Growing Closer to Your Spouse

I was kind of annoyed and a little irritated with a comment made during class on Thursday in response to a comment I had made. Quick back story about myself. My parents divorced when I was 10 turning 11 after my father had an affair. Anyways, I said that during the early years of my marriage I was super afraid to voice my opinions or disagree with my husband in fear that we would argue, which would then lead to us getting divorced. A girl, I’m assuming who isn’t married, responded by saying something along the lines of you should marry someone that you feel comfortable talking to and who you trust. It was probably good that I was attending class via Zoom or else I would have probably said something out of anger. I just want to make clear that it’s OKAY to disagree with your spouse and TOTALLY normal. It does not mean that your marriage is on the rocks. Okay, back to the task at hand.

When a couple decides to be exclusive and then get engage, boundaries should be made. One of those boundaries is saying good-bye to friendships that you have with the opposite sex. I think that can be hard for some people and might even seem unnecessary, but it's definitely necessary. I remember reconnecting with an old guy friend from my Jr. High years during the first year of being married. It was harmless messages-him telling me about his mission and what he was up to now and me telling him about how school was going. It was harmless...until he started saying things that made me start to think that he was beginning to think of me more than just a friend. Things he started to say made me feel uncomfortable and that I was going down a dangerous road. I decided to end the friendship. I felt kind of bad and mean, but I didn't want anything or anyone to get between my husband and I. It really is a dangerous path to go when you keep relationships with the opposite sex once you're married. It's so easy to turn to a friend when problems arise in your marriage, which can easily lead to feelings forming for that friend. Please don't say that that would never happen to you. You just don't know. I try not to bring in religion, but I want to now. Satan does not want us to be happy. He does not want us to have a happy marriage. He will do whatever he can with situations we put ourselves in to make us miserable. Now, women are chatty and need to talk with other women about relationships. My advice is to not let your discussions with your friends turn into a bashing session. I have a small group of friends that are very close to me. There was a time when two of the four of us were having a rough patch with husbands. When we all got together it started as venting but before we knew it it was a bashing session. I started to feel that we were not helping each other anymore by doing this. We were actually making it worse for those two friends. We all came to the conclusion that we would not bash or talk negatively about our husbands anymore. If one of us had a problem with our husband then we would support our friend in talking to him about it. That was the only way their marriage would get better. They are the ones who needed to talk about the problems and learn how to work together through it. If a couple can talk and workout how to get over the problem they will come out stronger and closer together. It strengthens their connection and relationships instead of relationships with friends and I will add, parents. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a speech back in September 1973 where he quoted one of his favorite newspaper columnists, Jenkin Lloyd Jones, which I will quote as well:

"There seems to be a superstition among many thousands of our young who hold hands and smooch in the drive-ins that marriage is a cottage surrounded by perpetual hollyhocks, to which a perpetually young and handsome husband comes home to a perpetually young and ravishing wife. When the hollyhocks wither and boredom and bills appear, the divorce courts are jammed."


It is not reality to think a marriage without disagreements and fights and rough spots. They are what make a marriage stronger, that is, if they turn to each other to overcome those hard times. Someone in my class made the comment along the lines that they wouldn't have communication problems with their spouse because they were going to make sure to never forget to always talk with him. I just rolled my eyes. It is so easy to say that you'll do something or won't do something, but it's not so easy once you get put in a situation where talking to your spouse is the last thing you want to do because you're so mad at them. Take opportunities that come along in a marriage to grow closer together. Don’t turn to other people in hopes they will solve your problems because they won’t. The only people who can fix things is you and your spouse. Work together through the problems no matter how uncomfortable and possibly scary it might be. Remember, “couples who make it aren’t the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they are simply the ones who decide that their commitment to each other is always more important than their differences and flaws.” 


                                                                    ♡♡♡ -Allison


My sweet family of almost 12 years. It's worth it!



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